Apartment Infinity

An Awkward Introduction

       Somewhere in the city there is an apartment with high ceilings and a wonderful view of the water front. This place is cluttered with unfinished projects, furniture that seems to have been found in nearby alleys, and an eclectic collection of art that seems to have been placed by one mind that was going through a disagreement with itself along with a few others.

This is an apartment that is straight out of a sit-com. There is no way that the owner of these heaps of belongings could pass a credit check, let alone pay the rent on a monthly basis. Yet the heaps are there and the bills are paid.

A 19 inch color TV sits atop an unstable dresser with a String Theory documentary playing out on the screen. There are all kinds of squiggly lines and colorful graphics in the background with a scientist standing in the foreground. The chyron explains that this scientist is actually Neil Benson, World Famous Quantum Physicist.

“One of the ways that this works is; say for example there are parallel universes. With these multiple dimensions every possible outcome to an event can play out…,” Neil Benson explains.

There is a mattress minus box springs that lies directly on the floor in front of the precariously balanced television. Doug Hister sits on the mattress with his back resting against the wall. He has a beer in hand and looks as if he has been sitting there for an entire holiday weekend.

A female arm lies across Doug’s waist with Rebecca, the owner of the arm, lying face down on the mattress next to him. There’s a pile on the other side of Doug that could either be a covered body or a pile of bedding. It’s hard to tell in this mess of an apartment.

Doug raises his beer in cheers to the television, “To parallel universes!”

There’s a grunt from the pile next to Doug. “Not you,” Doug says as he hits the pile and begins to flip through the channels.

Meanwhile in the bathroom Doug stands at the mirror shaving. This is not actually Doug but is a parallel universe version of Doug who will henceforward be known as PU Doug One.

“What was that,” PU Doug One asks?

“Just giving you a cheers,” Doug yells from the living room.

PU Doug One pauses shaving as he looks a bit confused. He pokes his head out the bathroom door and raises his razor in cheers. “Hey, I owe it all to you,” he announces.

Doug looks just as confused. “I didn’t do anything,” he says as he shrugs his shoulders and takes another drink.

“Then who’s doing all this suffering to allow me such a good week,” PU Doug One asks?

Doug looks around then realizes that there is only one person that could be responsible. He points to the pile next to him offering it up as a suggestion.

PU Doug One shrugs his shoulders in agreement that this is as good as any other suggestion that Doug could have made. “Well, cheers to you, if you’re still alive in there,” he says before returning to the bathroom mirror to continue his shave.

The pile moves. The muffled voice of PU Doug Two can be heard from under the blankets, “Mhm.”

Doug shifts his attention back to the television screen and then after ready the question from the game show that’s being broadcast he begins to yell, “What is Large Hadron Collider? Large Hadron Collider!”

The buzzer sounds and the game show host smugly announces, “We’re sorry, the answer is Large Hadron Collider.”

Doug moves Rebecca’s arm off his waste which causes her to stir. He braces himself to stand, but in his drunken state finds this movie to be a little difficult. “That does it. I’m trying out for this God damn show,” he slurs.